Heartbreak

Yooo happy Monday fam and friends!!! I miss and love you all!!! Once again it feels like I blinked and it's pday again!! Time is non-existent as a missionary that's for sure haha! I wanna start with a story! 

 

 

During my 10 years of Cheering, every coach I ever had always told me and my teammates "I can't want it for you." I remember we would always talk about winning and we always wanted to be the best!! (Cuz who wants to lose) But at the end of hard practices where my team was struggling my coaches would always say "you know I want this so bad for you, but I can't want it for you. You have to want it bad enough for yourself in order for it to happen." Well this is how I feel every single day as a missionary. I teach these people and all I want to do is help them change and become better because I know this gospel will change their life. I want them to "win." But me wanting it for them does nothing. Because they have to want it bad enough for themselves in order to change and come closer to their savior Jesus Christ and gain a testimony of its truthfulness! And let me tell you. It is absolutely heartbreaking!!! I consider myself pretty tough! I grew up with brothers and a dad who made sure I was not soft :) but when I teach these people, who can see so clearly how this gospel will change their life and they just can't seem to want it bad enough or care enough, it literally wrecks me. I'm not kidding I feel like I am getting 360 dunked on haha. And I realized that this is exactly how the savior feels about each and every one of us. He loves us and wants it for us but we have to want it for ourselves!! I've been able to catch a small glimpse of how the savior would feel for all of his people as these people get so close to turning towards him but then they let go. Heart breaking. And I've been able to see exactly how the adversary is trying to ruin any person that gets on the right path to come closer to their savior. I've also been able to witness people's spirit, they can't deny what they have felt and they know sooo deep inside their heart that this is the true church but then Satan destroys that. And they let him. Once again. Heart breaking. I can only imagine what our Savior feels for these people who turn away from him. Because if it is wrecking me, I can't even imagine the way it makes him feel. But he loves them no matter what!!! 

 

 

Earlier this week we had a lesson with this less active who does not like the church. He had just about every question there was and basically just wanted to bash us the whole time. After trying our best to answer his questions and bare our testimonies of what we know is true he asked me a question. He said "Sister Liljenquist what would it take for you to not believe?" I sat there for a second and said "honestly, nothing!" Which was not the answer he was looking for and it had him quite shook. I'm gonna be real here for a moment. When I first got on my mission I knew I had a testimony. I had to or I wouldn't even be here right? But I also knew I wanted to grow that to be unshakeable where no one could shake me. Or even come close. Am I there yet? I'm not sure. But what I realized that night is "why wouldn't I believe?" I have been praying to gain the strongest testimony that I know nothing could even question it. And that night I was able to answer that nothing could not make me believe. Because why wouldn't I believe? My mission is the most sacred place. I'm in Joseph Smith's very same mission. The prophet walked these streets of this exact mission. He preached the gospel here. We have sugar creek, where Brigham camped with the first saints to leave Nauvoo headed west. We have Iowa city, where the handcart companies gathered, camped, constructed their carts, and began their trek. Etc. How special and sacred this is to me and what an honor it is that I get to serve here. I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

 

 

Now, I know my testimony isn't at 100% quite yet but that's the goal right? But let me tell you what I do know. I know that we have a heavenly father who loves us so much he sent his ONLY begotten son into the world to save us, to atone for our sins so that we can repent and be saved! I know that we have a prophet who would literally die for this church, and who is called by God to lead and guide us. I know that the book of Mormon is true. It is the word of God, I don't care what anyone says! I know Joseph Smith is a prophet and I know that, because I have been to the Sacred Grove. Where he knelt down and prayed and heavenly father and Jesus Christ appeared to him. I have seen where he lived and I can't even imagine the things that he went through trying to translate the bom. And lastly, I am amazed at what the Saints did. And serving where I am and going to Nauvoo so much has made me realize how hard that had to have been for them. And they made that trek why? Because they loved the gospel and this church so much that they were willing to die for it. This is exactly why I believe and I know without a doubt in my mind that by the time I come home I would rather die than deny these truths! I'm so beyond grateful that I get to be here as a missionary. My heart is so full of gratitude. I have felt more joy than ever before. Sometimes I feel like i could explode haha. I have also felt more frustration than ever before because I can't understand how anyone could deny what we are teaching because it's literally denying God. And like I said it breaks my heart. I love being in this tiny little town and I would not trade my time here for the world. I love these people so much and honestly don't know how I have lived my whole life not knowing them. They really feel like family to me!  

 

 

Scripture : D&C 13-18

 

 

13 Wherefore, I the Lord ask you this question—unto what were ye ordained?

   14 To preach my gospel by the Spirit, even the Comforter which was sent forth to teach the truth.

   15 And then received ye spirits which ye could not understand, and received them to be of God; and in this are ye justified?

   16 Behold ye shall answer this question yourselves; nevertheless, I will be merciful unto you; he that is weak among you hereafter shall be made strong.

   17 Verily I say unto you, he that is ordained of me and sent forth to preach the word of truth by the Comforter, in the Spirit of truth, doth he preach it by the Spirit of truth or some other way?

   18 And if it be by some other way it is not of God.

 

 

Period. 

 

 

Hahaha if you made it this far, let's goooo!!!! I love you all! God loves you too!! Email me if you EVER need anything! 

 

 

☆ side note: there was a big meeting this weekend in Nauvoo with a bunch of mission presidents at the stake center. We had interviews with Pres and Sister Barney that same day. We were all standing out in the hall when a bunch of general authorities walked by and shook our hands. Including President Eyring. All I'm sayin is I've shaken 2 quorum of the twelve apostles hands and some other general authorities, light flex!!!

 

 

Also it's Sister Johnsens bday today so Imma take a second to thank her since she's been so impactful on me as a missionary. And since we cannot communicate other than our weekly emails hahah fat rip but it's okay!! She is an incredible missionary who taught me the missionary I want to become! I'm so grateful that I was able to be trained by her! She dedicates every second to missionary work. It's amazing. She even would take away our 15 minute breaks of mindfulness :) jkjk but fr haha there ain't no time for stopping because we ain't soft (inside joke), hopefully we get to serve around or with each other again but if not I'll see her at the airport in 15 1/2 months lets gooooo!! Love you queen, I hope you have the best birthday!!!! 

 

 

Also I suck at signing these I realized so imma be better haha idk what I'm doing so bare with me hahah 

 

 

Also forgot to mention but last pday when I was at the mall they were playing Drake and that got me mad hyped. I miss music dummy bad but the youth music ain't that bad, they came out with a new album this week so that will have to do.

 

 

Love, Sister Liljenquist

 

 

Pics:

1. District council with pres and Sister Barney and I thought this pic was funny haha

2. Me and Sister Otto 

3. We stay fitted 

4. For fun :) 

5. Redbull goes hard